Holding Polarities
Have you heard the fable of the Five Blind Men and the Elephant?
In summary, five blind men who have never encountered an elephant before, learn and imagine what the elephant is like by touching her.
Each blind man feels a different part of the animal's body, e.g. a leg, the tail, the side of the body, or the tusk. They then describe the animal based on their limited experience. It turns out, their descriptions of the elephant are wildly different.
The moral of the tale is that we have a tendency to claim 'truth' based on our limited, subjective experience. We can ignore other people's (equally limited, subjective) experiences (which may be equally true). The parable points to the need for deeper understanding, and respect for different perspectives.
I was reminded of this tale, when listening this week to Manda Scott in conversation with Andrea Hiott on her Accidental Gods podcast. What a conversation! Manda mentioned the tale of the Five Blind Men and the Elephant as another way of understanding what Andrea was saying.
I love this as another 'lens' on something I often grapple with: moving out of left-hemisphere, dualistic, linear thinking, into right-hemisphere, holistic, interconnected, relational thinking.
In particular, the context of their conversation was acknowledged: one week to the day, after the outcome of the US Election was known. Andrea grew up in the US, and whilst having lived in Europe for some time now, still makes frequent trips back to the US.
She's one of those amazing people who has studied very different disciplines and can talk with authority across these disciplines, whilst also 'living' what she knows; practicing it daily.
(For example, she has a Masters in Neuroscience, a PhD in Philosophy and has also authored books and learnt computer coding.)
Andrea is adept at 'seeing beyond polarities'. One of her straplines is: 'Beyond Dichotomy'.
I love it!
She speaks very powerfully about how to see beyond polarities.
So - take an example where you strongly disagree with someone else, or you can't understand how they could hold a certain view or opinion. You're maybe full of disbelief, that this friend or family member actually believes 'this', or says 'this'.
In Andrea's case, it was - How do I relate to these people I know and love (friends/family) who voted for Trump?
Whilst there was (and is) a lot of emotional pain, for self and the world on hearing the election results, Andrea practices daily what she preaches (so to speak - i.e. what she studies and researches and writes about).
i.e.
How to hold polarities, polar opposites, dichotomies. (Did you know that the word dichotomy means 'to cut apart'?)
An important piece seemed to be to be aware of her inner world - the pain, the emotions, her sensory experience.
Another aspect was to be present in the moment. She carries a little object in her pocket which reminds her at all times of 3 things:
Breathe.
Be present.
Love everyone.
This could then involve really noticing the human in front of her (who carries a polar opposite view).
Manda and Andrea acknowledge how hard it is to do those 3 seemingly simple things. Particularly when you're in the throes of emotional pain.
But rather than taking the oppositional stance to what this person has just said, instead being interested in their back story, and their perception of things. Back to the Five Blind Men and the Elephant.
Most likely this other person is a kind, well-intentioned person. They love their family and work hard for them. They do lots of good things in the world. How can we 'move out of the stance that we’re in, in order to see another stance?'
(AND acknowledging that 'at the same time we’re always in a stance'?)
So Andrea recommends helping people to talk, tell their story, and really listening (as we would want to be listened to; we know when someone is listening deeply and with respect to OUR story, so can we find that energy and deep listening for this other person)?
She adds:
'There are not only two sides'
and
'You can hold what seem like irreconcilable opposites'
This I'm particularly drawn to:
'And when you’re holding them, they are no longer opposites.'
Wow.
Andrea: 'What I’m trying to do - in my work, in philosophy - is to understand that.'
It's about complex systems.
It's about living systems.
Andrea: '(When using the lens of complex systems) .... you start to see things as nested rather than polar opposites.
If we imagine all of these nested systems, you can almost imagine them as planetary ... all the different planets. It just goes on and on and on, you can go deeper and deeper and you can go wider and wider. But if we take a stance in any of that ongoing amazing beauty and non-ending stuff, there’s going to seem to be an opposite ......... And (from our stance we'll see) things that seem opposite to us or irreconcilable to us or so on. .....How could we try to understand that that’s just one position? And we’re all sharing this real space, which is the world.'
She emphasises that it IS a hard practice, because our society and even our language is formed by dichotomies and dualistic ways.
And I know for myself, how easily I'm pulled into one side of a polarity. It's so hard! The other person could be someone at a dinner party, a friend I'm having coffee with, someone in the work space where we're in a breakout room together...... I can literally feel 'oppositional energy' rising up in me.
As I'm someone who likes ideas, I find Andrea's framing of this really helpful. All those nested planetary systems, the endless unfolding, and going on for ever. There being only space, interconnection, unfolding, patterning, moving energy. To be curious. To want to know the story behind 'the tiny bit of the elephant I can currently touch', wondering what else forms this elephant. To open up to 'more experience' of this other person.
This framing definitely helps me move out of 'oppositional energy' into curiosity, patience, equanimity.
(AND I can so easily see how it needs to be practiced daily. Probably multiple times daily.)
And if we pedal back to the ideas of the left-hemisphere and right-hemisphere.....
On the big topics of our time (e.g. binaries in politics, loss of biodiversity, dramatic weather events, increasing levels of anxiety and depression).....
Our left-hemisphere wants to solve these problems.
But unfortunately, linear mechanistic cause-and-effect thinking is not capable of solving these problems. Because they are problems born of complex systems.
We need a new way of thinking/being.
Right-hemisphere.
Manda has analogies for this.
I like her concept of the head-mind, heart-mind, and body-mind.
Perhaps the heart-mind and body-mind are right-hemisphere??
So instead of automatically employing our head-mind, when we're in touch with the big problems of our time, what if we experiment with employing our heart-mind?
Which chimes with Andrea's advice.
Heart-mind is in tune with the nested planetary systems, the ongoing beauty of this life and this universe, the endless potentialities of what could be, of what is beyond the control of any individual one of us.
Heart-mind knows complexity, fluidity of time, the power of the present 'now', and relationality/connections/love.
Manda's point is, be in heart-mind, be in your sensory experience, feel your heart's energy, allow yourself to feel part of the web of life, connected to all, connected to something that is bigger than what is currently firing up your head-mind.
(And of course, you can then go to your head-mind for the value it can add - logic, analysis, reasoning, etc.)
With our 'complex systems hat on' we intuitively know that we as an individual cannot logically, rationally solve the world's problems. That we are a node in the network. That we can 'only' show up as us. And the invitation here is to conceptualise that nested, planetary system that goes on for ever in endless beauty. We have no idea what will unfold when we -
Breathe.
Be present.
Love everyone.
When we tune in to our heart-mind.
…’Til Next Time, Go Well
Resources:
Manda Scott's Accidental Gods Podcast Episode:
Andrea's Podcast, where she talks with Manda:
Manda's website:
https://mandascott.co.uk/
PS I highly recommend Manda's latest novel - a Thrutopian Novel - 'Any Human Power'
Andrea's website:
https://www.andreahiott.net/